I am Becoming a Karen
I know. I know.
#notallkarens
But what if any or all women could become a Karen? Sound a bit drastic? Hear me out.
I am a woman. As such, I am experiencing something called perimenopause, or menopause transition. Do you know what it is? I had never heard of it, myself.
I knew about menopause and pre-menopause — which are basically opposite sides of a coin. When you are menstruating, you are in pre-menopause. When you have no longer menstruated for 365 consecutive days, you are in menopause. But even a female nurse practitioner could not tell me about perimenopause.
What is perimenopause?
When I mentioned to a friend that I was having trouble sleeping and felt disinterested in eating, she told me about perimenopause. This friend had her own symptoms, and her female friend gave her the news.
Turns out perimenopause is real and very common. Still, nobody talks about it. It gets lumped in with the rest of the menopause taboo. Why don’t we talk about it? I know more about teenage boys abusing inanimate objects during their hormonal development than I do about the cycles I am expected to go through as a female.
I am telling everyone I know about it. Unexpected changes happen. It has turned me into a completely different person. It is helpful to know that — yes, I am going insane — but there is a biological reason.
The symptoms are different for every woman. You won’t find them all in any list. For instance, my friend had frequent panic attacks. Personally, I wrestle with straight-up obsessive PARANOIA. I would also say I have become indifferent and apathetic at times.
As I experience perimenopause first-hand, I see similarities with many of the Karen-accused.
I sympathize with the viral Karens online. They, too, may be going through perimenopause. Maybe they do not have a trusted friend who heard about it from her trusted friend. These women likely know nothing about it like me.
Will I one day go over the edge and end up in a viral video or meme?
It does feel like I could times. Family members have already expressed concern about my moods. Looking at commonalities among Karens, I worry I am just one bad day away from achieving full-on cancelled Karen status.
I have compiled a list of risk factors:
- Biographical information: Typically white, middle aged female
Check, check, and check.
2. The hair: Generally in a short cut
See side photo.
3. The Shrill Voice
All over the internet are videos of Karens screeching or whining. My associates can attest to my sudden pre-pubescent boy voice. It is cracked and whiny and seems to change volume of its own accord.
4. The Temper Tantrum
Only my family has seen temper tantrums out of me. As of yet. Before hearing about the menopause transition period, I wondered if these moody episodes were hormone-related because they seemed irrational.
5. The complete lack of shits to give
Accurate. I used to be a humble and non-confrontational person. After crossing the bridge into age 40 and beyond, I have found that I have far less tolerance and patience.
6. The entitlement (feeling as if you own public spaces)
Driving down a street near my home, I wanted to YELL at a person raking leaves into the street: “You can’t rake leaves into the street!”
Hadn’t they seen all of the billboards around town saying not to put yard waste into the streets because it clogs up the gutters and sewers? This was the reason the gutters had that awful smell! I did not yell, but I wanted to. This surprised me. I was usually very live-and-let-live. I never would have noticed someone raking leaves into the street.
7. The audacity (need to correct complete strangers)
Recently I was in one of those long lines that can only be found at an amusement park. The line continued onto upper levels, and there was a young boy with his mother above me in line. He started blowing spit bubbles that didn’t go beyond his own face. Gradually he began releasing spit below him. Even though he was not near to spitting on me, I still felt the need to yell out, “Who are you trying to spit on?” He didn’t even know I was watching him, and he quickly buried his face in his mother. Was this the mom in me or the potential Karen in me?
8. The NEED to speak to the manager
So far this might be the only thing keeping me out of a viral video. I am still a bit timid about these things. Most of the time, I wish I was more of an advocate for myself and others.
Today I purchased a brewed sweet tea from a gas station. Once out the door, I took a sip and realized it was not fresh. I sat in my vehicle and began thinking about where else I could stop for a fresh sweet tea.
Something then occurred to me: I didn’t have to go somewhere else and buy another drink. I could go in and tell them it was not fresh. They would just fix it, right? I could get another drink instead of having to stop again and pay more money. It took some self-convincing, but I went back in and got a new drink. I did not ask to speak to the manager, even though the clerk kept giving me the run around. “It’s our CO2 machine.” (It was brewed tea.) “The tea was made fresh today.” (Another co-worker then admitted he hadn’t gotten to that yet.) I left with a smile on my face (having gotten a new drink) and sincerely wishing them a good day. I wonder what would have happened if the clerk kept denying my concerns? I can see how this would push someone too far.
9. The tendency to call the police
I have not done this yet, but I did make a joke to my neighbor about the police having to come resolve our domestic dispute because we both insisted on paying the tree company who took down a tree on the property line.
10. Delusions of being special
Perhaps the biggest sign of my potential to become a Karen is that when I watched Karen videos online as research for this article, I did not know who was the Karen. There are plenty that are shocking and scandalous and obvious. There are also many that are just people arguing, and I cannot tell who is supposed to be in the wrong. They all seem to be jerks. Maybe with more context… but does simply arguing in public make you a Karen?
Maybe women in perimenopause have held their tongues for decades and just decided to take it out on the rest of the world? That might make you a Karen. Maybe women in perimenopause feel like they have no control over what is happening to them. In their desperation, they are trying to control everyone / everything in their wake so they can have control over something in life. This could definitely inspire some Karen activity.
In perimenopause, estrogen wanes and cortisol (a stress hormone) increases. We are literally being dosed with more stress hormones on a daily basis — as if these biological changes reminding us of our own mortality were not stressful enough. There are some things that can be done to help the process. Diet and exercise, as well as supplements and emotional self-care can contribute to a more successful transition. Personally, I have found it helpful to spend time alone in the woods. I suggest finding a space where you are free to explore being irrational until you can see how irrational you are being.
Note: The cycles of menstruation bring emotions to the forefront. We can look at it as an opportunity for releasing things we do not need to hold onto, both emotionally and physically. Rather than fight our emotions, we can process them.
So, what do you think? Am I well on my way to being a crazy Karen? Am I already there? What about you? Where are you on the Karen spectrum? Even if you do not identify as a Karen or a woman, I hope you at least learned something about perimenopause.
