Jul 1, 2021
“Let Hers” for my daughter
You have permission not to choose a career. Ever.
Dear daughter,
Mid-life is like being trapped in the bottom half of an hour-glass. You see all this time has passed beneath you, but you do not feel any closer to the top. You just wonder if you can get any higher before the sands of time bury you completely.
Time no longer feels as abundant in my 40s. I had this heart-wrenching realization today after dropping you off at work: I wish I’d had the guts to fearlessly pursue ALL of my true interests in my youth. I wish I had listened to my heart more in life instead of submitting to my doubts around why I couldn’t do this, that, or the other.
Those yearnings from my youth never went away. I am still hoping to do some things I’ve wanted to do for years. While you are still young and starting out in the job market, I want to remind you that you do not have to pick one interest to pursue for the rest of your life.
From the time you started school, you have been groomed to think that adult life would require you to choose a career, and you needed to start thinking about that choice as soon as possible. I would like to encourage you, instead, to do anything and everything that interests you. Do things that have nothing to do with furthering your “career,” won’t be reimbursed, or will be unnecessary and impractical.
I’m not saying you can’t get into a specific career path if that’s what you want to do. I’m saying: As long as your bills are paid, and you’re not harming yourself or others, you should feel free to live your fullest life. Obviously, as your mother, I never want to see you get hurt. But I know that living a life of little interest hurts too.
You have your life ahead of you. ALL of that life is worth living.
All experience is valuable experience. Right now, you don’t have to pick ONE thing to do for the rest of your life. And you are not obligated to only do things you are good at. Just make sure you are interested in what you are doing.
Don’t get me wrong — there will always be things you don’t want to do. But with a little sense of adventure, even those things can be more interesting and inspiring. Even laundry.
Adventure in life does not have to include traveling to exotic places or jumping from extreme heights, although those things are awesome too. Adventure can be very mundane — taking a risk by trying something new, stepping out of your comfort zone, pursuing something you don’t think you’d be good at but would like to do, or sharing a private hobby with the world and giving it a greater meaning.
You can be a jack of all trades AND a master of one.
Have you ever heard the term “Jack of all trades, master of none?”
To have mastered something means that you know it through and through, well enough to teach it. You are an expert, and you could make great contributions to that field. Masters are important members of society because they allow everyone else to grow from their expertise.
How does one become a master? Through experience — trial, error, and more error.
People will encourage you to be a master in one area. No worries. If you pursue real passions, you will.
Remember when you were learning to roller skate? You had to fall to learn how not to fall. Soon enough, you taught me to skate backwards. You had mastered roller skating to the point where you could teach it. Is that the only thing you’ve mastered at this point in your life? Doubtful.
A “jack of all trades” inevitably becomes a master of these things: adaptation, flexibility, openness, letting go, and learning for the fun of it. Allowing yourself many different experiences can help determine what you want to focus on. You will discover your greatest passions and talents through experimentation. This will not always lead to the most sensible, conventional, or monetarily-rewarding choices. And you’re not going to master everything you try. You don’t have to. You’re allowed to do things just for fun — even if you’re not that good at them.
You probably won’t make a million dollars juggling fire sticks, finding artifacts in the river, making a music video with your friends, or roller skating in a parade, but how many memories do you have from those experiences? I’ll bet you wouldn’t trade those memories for a million either. Growing up does not mean you have to stop making memories. In fact, you can be more deliberate about it.
It’s not a bad idea just because nobody likes it.
If you want to try, try it. Don’t worry about if it’s a good idea. Pursuing passions rarely makes sense, sometimes not even to the people pursuing them.
This has nothing to do with career choices. It has to do with living authentically. If you make money at it, so be it. If not, put your heart into it anyway. Every day, people are fulfilled by experiences that other people say are a waste of time. The people who do the same thing day in and day out are the ones wasting their time. If every day for the last five years looks the same as the last, you have wasted five years.
How many interesting things would have never happened if people let their curiosities die in the face of discouragement?
I’m sure these guys were told they could not convert this BMW into a truck:
Do you want to shave patterns into your hair? Someone will try to talk you out of it. Go for it! It doesn’t matter if it’s been done. You’re still allowed to do it.
Do you think you’d be great at writing an advice column? Only one way to find out…
You can try any and all of the things you’re interested in. Just know that I will always be here, no matter the outcome.
Love,
A woman who has worn many hats in life but never found the perfect fit … aka Mom
